AM I THE PERFECT LIE?

I am totally addicted to Sex Change Hospital and I have to force myself as I watch it not to sit in judgement of the girls that go in to get vaginia to feel complete. I have yet to see one get a vagina and not look like an old man with a vagina. I bring this up because there is always the sexual debate and the qualifying factors of what makes us transexual.

Personally even though I am in the sex industry 95% of my life is spent not having sex. I don't know I don't let what I do 5% of the time dictate what I am as a person. I identify as female but I am really uncomfortable being considered a woman. Now let me say I dont want to walk down the street with everyone knowing whats in my panties but I am at a point in my life where I am content being transexual.

There were stages when I hated myself and my body and I thought that God was cruel for sending me into this world with that offending member dangling between my legs. I have made peace with myself and my body and I love every inch of me, no pun intended.

Let me give you a little back ground. For those of you that think that I am ugly you should have been here when the party started. This face has been surgically feminized beyond recognition. I guess I am a little jaded when I am loved for my feminity because I want to be loved for the person that I am. I am the same person that I have always been but the more beautiful, desirable and passable I get now people start to see me as valid.

I know many may not see where I am coming from but I want to be adored for who I am not for the image I give. In defense of men that bottom, and I am not talking bout you nasty mother fuckers running round giving up that happy hole to any thing in a dress and wig, I am talking about the men that have that come what may attitude when they fall in love with a girl and just deal with the reality of the situation. But in my personal experience bottom men have shown me the most respect and treated me as a lady should be treated, hell the majority of top men don't even know how to come correct with genetic females always on that bullshit and playing games thinking they dick is gold what the hell can they do with girls like me.

Now I have been in monogamous relationships and each was different and this may shock yall but some of them never gave up the ass. In a relationship I have a come what may attitude if my needs are being met outside the bed room if I am feeling loved cherished respected adored intellectually stimulated I will be orgasmning in my brain before we even get naked so when we get it bed I will be cool with what ever is going on.

I stick to my guns and I wont waver on it what so ever if I feel that our relationship is sexual and I am only a conquest to you we will both be putting a notch in the bed post. Everything must be mutual and you must be a gentleman and ladies come first.

I don't know Imma lady but I am no woman. To me at times the drive to pass and be a woman seems to speak to my spirit as if there is something wrong with me. I have to proudly wear the title of transexual in order to stay self loving. I don't think people understood when they defined man and woman in the beginning. Every culture since the beginning of time has had the two spirit people and today I walk that delicate line of feminity and masculinity and hold my head high. I am not less than cause I wasn't born with a vagina. I actually feel blessed to be born able to relate to both genders having my feet firmly planted in the world of both legs spread wide a woman with an enlongated clit.

I AM JUST OVER BEING THE PERFECT LIE. ITS OK TO BE CHANEL THE TRANSEXUAL.